Friday 25th April to Friday 2th MaY
“The Team”
John Hutch
Steve Hall – aka Dad
Jon Coleman
Nikki Coleman
Mel Ford
Kevin Beecher – aka Lil’ Kev
Dave Varty – aka Jesus, the V-Man, dangerous
Craig Wilson – aka Roger the cabin boy
Steve Shiret – aka McDabster
Arrival
The 9 trepid explorers met at John’s house at 7.30am for bacon rolls (Thanks Lyns!) and a last minute discussion on the best route to take. We set of in 4 cars with enough kit for an army of divers. Sat Navs at the ready we scattered in 4 different directions. The plan was Carlisle for lunch, after numerous stops for the slack bladders the first group arrived for a very early lunch (what’s the speed limit John?) The last group finally arrived an hour later. A quick turn around and we were all back on the road, again armed with different routes. The next rendezvous was the fish restaurant at Loch Fyne – unfortunately 2 cars didn’t even go past Loch Fyne so it was straight to Oban, Fawlty Towers and the pub for us! For those who made it to Loch Fyne they were rewarded with a celebrity visit – Princess Anne – allegedly.
John managed to sweet talk the lady at Fawlty Towers and get a key for nearly every room in the place so we got ourselves sorted and headed out to the Scottish Chinese. A lovely meal and a few beers later we were back at the bar at Fawlty Towers. As the night drew on “someone” had the bright idea of moving it back to the hotel to crack open a bottle of rum. The sensible ones opted for bed but fortunately we still had all the spare keys so off to room 18 for a party it was. During this event Craig felt it appropriate to tell us how hot Mike the Skipper at Porthkerris was!! (Anything else you want to share?) A bottle of rum and 4.30am later we decided it was time for bed. All too soon it was 7.30am and John was up doing his exercises. Since we weren’t meeting the boat until 3.30pm we had a day to explore Oban. We took a walk to McCraig’s Tower and booked ourselves onto a tour of the distillery. Under instruction to turn off our mobile phones we set off. The distillery was a very interesting experience for those of us still struggling from the night before, McDabster was so unimpressed that he tried to blow up the distillery using a radio trigger device i.e. he received a text message.
Finally we got onto the boat, got our kit sorted and settled into the journey to Tobermoray. The last weekend of April, Tobermoray hosts the Isle of Mull music festival locally known as “The Whisky Olympics” we managed to get a drink in the Mishnish but rather than struggle to get to the bar for another one we went back to the boat and had cheese, biscuits and Port.
Sunday – Dive 1 – Cows Bay
A scenic shake down dive saw the start of scalloping for the week. Craig thought he’d be the first back to the boat to eat the cake so raced back to the surface rather quickly. We carried out a neurological test on him but couldn’t tell if he was bent or just gay!
Lil Kev finished his Sports Diver qualification – Well done Kev!
Sunday – Dive 2 – Straights of Canna
More scallops – lots more!!!
Each night we awarded the wooden spoon, a special Scottish spurtle for stirring porridge to the person who provided the most amusement that day.
3rd Place – Nikki – Air not turned on
2nd Place – Steve Hall – No weight belt, computer on upside-down!
1st Place – Craig – Left tied on plus fast ascent.
We spent the night at Canna where we anchored out in the middle of the bay, since we couldn’t get off the boat it was wine and Morgans Spice on the boat.
Monday – Dive 1 – The Maidens
On the advice not to bring back anymore scallops this dive we went on a hunt for Squat Lobsters, unfortunately our luck was out so it was just a pretty scenic dive.
Monday – Dive 2 – Sgeir Mhor
A nice cliff with lots of nooks and crannies and a few feisty crabs that wouldn’t be caught but there were 2 unsuspecting crabs – crab for tea!! When Craig took his suit off he tore his neck seal.
On cooking the crabs their bodies turned out to be quite watery, Rob (the skipper) advised us that it was probably a bit early in the year for crabs. So any crabs would be safe for the week!
The team and the crew spent the night at Knoydart, a strange place with grass on the roof and no long legged sheep! We went to The Old Forge pub. On arrival a local mistook Mel, Nikki and Kev as Yachties. Nikki soon put them straight. The V-Man and McDabster decided to put the knowledge they’d gained at the distillery into practice and had a whisky tasting evening. The rest of us had a whisky sniffing evening. There was a live band in the pub so the boys added to the beat in an attempt to tip Mel’s wine in her lap. Back to the boat for more cheese and biscuits but no port L
Wooden Spoon
3rd – Craig – Neck Seal
2nd – Jesus – Tied on
1st – John – For attempting to swap buddies several times underwater mid dive.
Tuesday was an early start for Mel and Kev who’d drunkenly decided they would get up at 6.30am to walk up the nearby hill. Unfortunately Kev didn’t forget!!
Steve the expert equipments officer managed to fix Craigs neck seal so he was back in the water.
Tuesday – Dive 1 – Kyle of Lochalsh
Being lazy we decided on a drift dive. It was running nicely and we all drifted off downstream except for Jon and Dab who managed to drift against the current. Nikki and Mel practiced their separation procedure – once again!
Tuesday – Dive 2 – Port Napier
We dropped straight in on more scallops and a crab. The wreck was fantastic if a little silty but provided many places to poke around and some lovely swim throughs. Jon and Dab managed to get into standing depth water and we all had a monster swim back to the boat – fantastic dive.
Wooden Spoon
3rd – Dab – Lost SMB
2nd – John – Suit Undone
1st – Nikki – Forgot who her husband was after a wee drinkie!
We spent the evening at Eigg where the hippies have taken over the island. Due to the winds we anchored in the middle of the bay otherwise the boat would have banged against the pier all night. So it was another night of drinking on the boat. It was the end of another bottle of Sailor Jerry and onto the JD. Rob turned the gene off at 11.30pm so we had to improvise and make a set of speakers out of a porridge bowl – worked well!
Wednesday – Dive 1 – Eigg Cliff Site, Kildonnan
A very relaxing dive on an edge-wall-cliff lots of crabs dead and alive (although quite small). Surprise, surprise more scallops. Very relaxing for Jon who caught a lift of Kev’s dangly bits for half way round. There was a Mexican stand off, 1 SMB or 5, Steve gave in!
Wednesday – Dive 2 – Hispania
Mel and Nikki ducked out of this one and sent the boys in unsupervised. They were interfered with by another boat of divers covered in red and white flashing strobes. Vis was poor and it was running a bit.
We came back into Tobs for the evening, arriving quite early there was plenty of time to go for a walk or just go to the Mishnish!
Wooden Spoon
2nd Mel – Stuck in the brambles
1st – Dad – Fell off the stairs as his bum was too big!!
After dinner Nikki and Jon went to the Mishnish to watch the footie, Jesus, Steve, Dab, Craig and Jon went to the Anchor Arms for a pint or two while Mel and Kev stayed on the boat to do the Nitrox Workshop. It was early to bed for everyone as we were doing the Ronda in the morning.
Thursday morning we were up early and set of for the 40 minute journey out to the Rhonda ready for a 9.30am slack. Although we arrived in good time, we were ready at 8.50am it was obvious that slack had past and it was already running. One quick discussion and safety first we went over to the Schooner.
Thursday – Dive 1 – Schoner
A coal ship at 30m, 15m to the deck. The vis was slightly less than perfect but was still acceptable. There were lots of big fish. Dab seemed to forget about the weightlessness of scuba and climbed over the rails like he was climbing over a fence. On the instruction of Rob we didn’t go through any of the swim throughs although Nikki and Jon did pop in a few holds. Jon was aware of that there were dangers on the wreck but was not prepared to be attacked by a beastie – Mel!
Thursday – Dive 2 - ?
On a promise of 1000’s of scallops the fishermen amongst us got excited. The newer boys chose to sit this one out. The 5 of us entered the water and everyone abandoned Mel, a bad move as although everyone found scallops Mel was the clear champion. A full bag with some in her pockets there was still room for a few squatties.
Wooden Spoon
Today there were a lot of nominations!! Steve left himself tied to the boat twice, (although one was assisted!). Mel tried to take her housing in without her camera.
3rd – Nikki – Left herself tied on and then tried to connect Jon’s inflator to her suit.
2nd – John – Wanted his suit done up before he’d put his head in. Had his fin on around his knee!
1st – Dab – Climbing over the rail
Back into Tobs again and the whole gang headed to the Mishnish. It was another intention of an early night as we were going to attempt the Rhonda again in the morning. However we still had some Port to finish off. Dave enhanced on the porridge bowl speaker system with the addition of some cones aka as juice glasses!
Friday – Dive 1 – Rhonda
Dab and Craig chose to sit this one out but the remaining 7 of us went in. The tide was much better this time and Nikki managed to get the 50m that had eluded us last time we dived this wreck (49.9m). Conscious of the fact we were leaving that day and still wanted to get a final scallop dive in we came straight up off the wreck rather that carrying on along the scenic wall.
Friday – Dive 2 - ?
A final scallop dive ensured that we all had plenty to take home.
The spooner of the week was presented to John.
All that was left was to unload the boat and set off for the journey home. Dab, Craig, Mel and Kev went straight home, Dave took a longer journey to visit some friends whilst Nikki, Jon, John and Steve went back for another night at Fawlty Towers and tackled the journey on Saturday.
The week was spent on board the Elizabeth G, www.elizabethgcharters.com, skippered by Rob Barlow accompanied by Chef Karen. For our week we were also joined by dive tender Emma. The boat is one of the most luxurious liveaboards around. All the rooms have sinks and plug sockets. The boat has 3 heads and 2 showers. There is a fantastic salon area with plenty of room for everyone to comfortable sit together. The amount and quality of food served is amazing. There was nothing more we could have asked for. Rob is very knowledgeable about diving and the dive sites never disappointing us. Emma was always in the right place at the right time ready to help with clips and straps. She also managed to haul up all the scallop bags without toppling over board!!
A fantastic week!!
Quotes
Kev – “Ugly people can make good friends”
Mel – “Stop pulling it, it’ll get bigger”
John – “Are you ready to be pulled?”
Kev to Dave – “Have you got a playlist?”
Dave to Kev – “No it’s an ipod”
Dab – “F@*k off Kev!”
Mel – “Danish blue? I think he meant cheese not porn!”
Nikki – “It’s okay, I’ve got a glass on my desk”
Kit
Repairs:
Craig – New neck seal
Jon – Neck seal trim
John – Neck seal patched
Jon – Inflator valve flush
Nikki – Fin strap
Unrepairable: Dave – Boot leaks!!
Lost:
Dab – SMB
Nikki – Goodie bag
Dab, Craig and Kev – Virginity
Found:
Mel – Knife
Mel – Weight pocket and sea snips.
No animals were harmed in the making of this report – although a few crustaceans and a lot of mollusks got consumed.
